"Vai ter com a formiga, ó preguiçoso; olha para os seus caminhos e sê sábio. A qual, não tendo superior, nem oficial, nem dominador, prepara no Verão o seu pão; na sega ajunta o seu mantimento. Ó preguiçoso, até quando ficarás deitado? Quando te levantarás do teu sono? Um pouco de sono, um pouco tosquenejando, um pouco encruzando as mãos, para estar deitado, assim te sobrevirá a tua pobreza como um ladrão, e a tua necessidade, como um homem armado."
Este dia está cheio de coisas lindas. Um dos meus artistas
favoritos vem tocar a Toronto por um preço razoável. O sol brilha e o mar, lá
longe, deve estar maravilhoso. O céu azul com as suas nuvens a vagar parece
perfeito para um dia de passeios na cidade. Tu fazes anos.
E eu aqui.
Hoje está a ser particularmente difícil estar contente com o
que Deus preparou para mim neste dia. Queria ir à praia. Queria ir ver o
concerto do Robert Glasper. Queria ver o mercado da Ribeira, ouvir o sotaque do
Bolhão, comer um gelado no Chiado.
Queria dar-te um abraço."
(Um bocadinho do que Deus escreveu para mim)
"Portanto, como diz o Espírito Santo, se ouvirdes hoje a sua
voz, não endureçais o vosso coração, como na provocação, no dia da tentação no
deserto, onde vossos pais me tentaram, me provaram e viram, por quarenta anos,
as minhas obras. Por isso, me indignei contra esta geração e disse: Estes
sempre erram em seu coração e não conheceram os meus caminhos. Assim, jurei na
minha ira que não entrarão no meu repouso. Vede, irmãos, que nunca haja em
qualquer de vós um coração mau e infiel, para se apartar do Deus vivo. Antes,
exortai-vos uns aos outros todos os dias, durante o tempo que se chama Hoje,
para que nenhum de vós se endureça pelo engano do pecado. Porque nos tornamos
participantes de Cristo, se retivermos firmemente o princípio da nossa
confiança até ao fim. Enquanto se diz: Hoje, se ouvirdes a sua voz, não
endureçais o vosso coração, como na provocação.
Porque, havendo-a alguns ouvido, o provocaram; mas não todos
os que saíram do Egito por meio de Moisés. Mas com quem se indignou por
quarenta anos? Não foi, porventura, com os que pecaram, cujos corpos caíram no
deserto? E a quem jurou que não entrariam no seu repouso, senão aos que foram
desobedientes? E vemos que não puderam entrar por causa da sua incredulidade."
This past Monday somebody at work asked, “Have you guys
heard about Elisabeth Elliot?” The woman best known by being Jim Elliot’s wife,
and the missionary who preached the gospel to the Indians who slayed him at age
28, is now in God’s presence, abiding in His dwelling place.
I knew very little of her; in fact, I knew this much. After
quickly looking for more information, I found her website and the list of books
she penned in the course of her life. I was ignorant about her work and its
extension. My first encounter with it wasn’t pleasant. “The Quest for Love” is
the display of numerous case studies put together with one goal in mind: to
propose that God works to bring couples together according to His will and despite
dating (more, ditching dating). Our sole responsibility is to pray and rely on
Him. If I recall it clearly, the timing of my encounter with that book was terrible… I struggled
through the first six chapters and returned it to the library. That was
how Mrs. Elliot and me came apart. To be quite frank, I didn’t even associate the
name with the person behind it; I simply drifted away from what seemed to be
a well-tailored mix of Christian fairy tales and horror stories.
And then, some months later, I hear the news of her demise. (It
is still astonishing to me how much the Lord works through death…) That list of
books flickered the desire to know more about her, so I picked three of them to
fulfill that goal: one about the most famous story of her life, one compiled by
her, but written by her husband, and the last one (which is her own voice)
about womanhood. “So the last shall be first”, hence I started with “Let me be
a Woman” (1976), a series of letters to her beloved daughter who was about to
get married.
Mushy-Elisabeth from “The Quest for Love” was obliterated
from my memory. Only her blunt, strong, assertive voice remained, speaking
to both hers and mine generation, tackling hard subjects and arguing for a
radical stance on biblical principles that she presents as being matters of
fact, out of discussion. Less than a week went by, enough time to avidly
swallow her positions, wrestle with her shrewd mind, hear her daring plea to fully
trust in God’s blueprint. Yet, not enough time to absorb all the richness of
this little book. It demands the purchase of a personal copy. It requires
rereading, underlining, and taking of notes.
The last paragraph of the book goes like this:
“If you can understand your womanhood, Valerie, in this
light, you will know fullness of life. Hear the call of God to be a woman. Obey
the call. Turn your energies to service. Whether your service is to be to a
husband and through him and the family and home God gives you to serve the
world, or whether you should remain, in the providence of God, single in order
to serve the world without the solace of husband, home, and family, you will
know fullness of life, fullness of liberty, and (I know whereof I speak)
fullness of joy”(p. 185).
She was writing to Valerie, but it felt like she was talking
to me (a girl in the opposite situation of her daughter). The invitational and
caring tone of the whole piece made it taste like a long conversation over tea,
or a day spent at her house, for she addresses all females in their various
contexts (not only those who are about to enter the covenant of marriage).
Nothing is left unsaid, and never did I saw these hard issues treated so
straightforwardly, and yet so delicately. There is true discernment, practical
counselling, and tangible beauty in all her lines.
What does it mean to be a woman? How can I pursue my true identify?
Big questions with intricate answers that she summarized in a sentence: turn
all my energies to service. Embrace my womanhood, my sexuality, my shape
specially desired and conceived by God. Know that womanhood is rooted in the
character and intention of my Maker. Turn all my energies to service.
And I shall taste a life full of joy, full of grace, full of
bliss.
"Do not depend on the hope of results. When you are doing the sort of work you have taken on ... you may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself.
... [T]he big results are not in your hands or mine, but they suddenly happen, and we can share in them; ... there is no point in building our lives on this personal satisfaction, which may be denied us and which after all is not that important ... All the good that you will do will come not from you but from the fact that you have allowed yourself, in the obedience of faith, to be used by God's love. Think of this more, and gradually you will be free from the need to prove yourself, and you can be more open to the power that will work through you without your knowing it.
... The real hope, then, is not in something we think we can do, but in God who is making something good out of it in some way we cannot see. If we can do His will, we will be helping in this process. But we will not necessarily know all about it beforehand."
Thomas Merton, The Hidden Ground of Love: Letters, ed. William H. Shannon (New York: Farrar Straus Giroux, 1985), 294-297.
Não me lembro de viver sem pressões financeiras. Desde que, ainda menina, comecei a ter noção de quanto custavam as coisas que queria/precisava, sabia que essas noções eram preciosas porque o dinheiro não era abundante - era simplesmente suficiente (graças a Deus). Nunca tive tudo quanto quis, e se de facto queria alguma coisa supérflua (ou, às vezes, necessária mas mais cara), precisava de trabalhar para ela (juntando e esperando com paciência).
Não me lembro de viver sem a preocupação do tempo. Os meus pais são opostos nesse sentido: a disciplina casou com a protelação (não digo quem é quem). Eu sempre pendi mais para o lado da última do que da primeira, e desde o mítico ano de 2011 que a minha luta tem sido endireitar esta tendência. Estratégias, conversas e ideias firmaram em mim uma profunda convicção que esta é uma área de redenção em que Deus está particularmente interessado - a erradicação de maus hábitos e a edificação de hábitos saudáveis.
Quando deixei de viver permanente em casa dos meus pais, a combinação destas duas coisas passou a estar no centro das minhas reflexões. Sonhos grandes resultam em gastos grandes. Gastos grandes requerem muito trabalho. Muito trabalho resulta em pouco tempo livre. Pouco tempo livre implica doses extra de criatividade para continuar a investir nos sonhos grandes. E sempre assim.
O dinheiro continua a ser sempre o suficiente, nunca deveras abundante; o pão nosso de cada dia é o mais saboroso que há, mas tal como o povo de Israel, impaciento-me com o maná diário (e reclamo que quero mais). A luta com a gestão do tempo é travada diariamente; com o seu passar, com o crescimento, os sucessos vão superando as derrotas. Mudar de país adicionou complexidade a estas questões. Aprendi com a minha família emprestada que, por muita insegurança e instabilidade que experimentemos, temos sempre a hipótese de escolher viver com uma mentalidade de escassez (preciso de armazenar tudo o que puder para nunca passar necessidades), ou com uma mentalidade de abundância (o Senhor é soberano e sustentador, posso usufruir do fruto do meu trabalho, partilhar e descansar). Soa simples, mas não é. E escolher a segunda hipótese é quase uma disciplina espiritual. É aprender a não viver como se a minha sobrevivência dependesse de mim. É lembrar-me todos os dias que o Senhor não é viciado em trabalho, e que, como diz a Isabelinha "o limite do homem é a oportunidade de Deus".
Espero nunca me esquecer do que aprendi desde pequenina: que o fruto de usar bem o tempo é uma vida regrada (que até tem espaço para improvisos); que o fruto da boa mordomia do dinheiro é uma vida simples e sem dívidas. Espero continuar a aprender, agora que cresci mais um pouco: que Deus é fiel e me chama a partilhar recursos; que posso sempre descansar na Sua abundância e plenitude; e que Ele graciosamente me dá a alegria de usufruir da obra das minhas mãos. E quando eu chegar ao meu limite e não tive/puder mais, Ele completará o que está em falta. É assim. Sempre foi assim. Será sempre assim.
"My conversion involved as yet no belief in a future life. I now number it among my greatest mercies that I was permitted for several months, perhaps for a year, to know God and to attempt obedience without even raising that question. My training was like that of the Jews, to whom He revealed Himself centuries before there was a whisper of anything better (or worse) beyond the grave than shadowy and featureless Sheol. And I did not dream even of that. There are men, far better men than I, who have made immortality almost the central doctrine of their religion; but for my own part I have never seen how a preoccupation with that subject ar the outset could fail to corrupt the whole thing. I had been brought up to believe that goodness was goodness only if it were disinterested, and that any hope of reward or fear of punishment contaminated the will. If I was wrong in this (the question is really much more complicated than I then perceived) my error was most tenderly allowed for. I was afraid that threats or promises would demoralize me; no threats or promises were made. The commands were inexorable, but they were backed by no 'sanctions'. God was to be obeyed simply because He was God. Long since, through the gods of Asgard, and later through the notion of the Absolute, He had taught me how a thing can be revered not for what it can do to us but for what it is in itself. That is why, though it was a terror, it was no surprise to learn that God is to be obeyed because of what He is in Himself. If you ask why we should obey God, in the last resort the answer is, 'I am'. To know God is to know that our obedience is due to Him. In His nature His sovereignty de jure is revealed.
Of course, as I have said, the matter is more complicated than that. The primal and necessary Being, the Creator, has sovereignty de facto as de jure. He has the power as well as the kingdom and the glory. But the de jure sovereignty was made known to me before the power, the right before the might. And for this I am thankful. I think it is well, even now, sometimes to say to ourselves, 'God is such that if (per impossibile) his power could vanish and His other attributes remain, so that the supreme right were forever robbed of the supreme might, we should still owe Him precisely the same kind and degree of allegiance as we now do'. On the other hand, while it is true to say that God's own nature is the real sanction of His commands, yet to understand this must, in the end, lead us to the conclusion that union with that Nature is bliss and separation from it horror. Thus Heaven and Hell come in. But it may well be that to think much of either except in this context of thought, to hypostatize them as if they had substancial meaning apart from the presence or absence of God, corrupts the doctrine of both and corrupts us while we so think of them".
(Lewis, Surprised by Joy, p. 231-232)
Senhor,
Ao contrário de C. S. Lewis, conheci-Te primeiro através das Tuas promessas, e só mais tarde aprendi e apreendi o Teu Senhorio por direito, sobre tudo quanto há. Percorro o percurso inverso ao deste autor, pedindo-Te, "Autor e Consumador da Fé", que me ensines a amar-Te e a obedecer-Te sem olhar a recompensas e ameaças, mas sim (e tão somente) por aquilo que és. Quero ajoelhar-me na Tua presença e em silêncio, em êxtase, ser transformada, purificada, refeita à Tua imagem. Quanto mais olho para Ti, mais me abismo com a Tua formosura, com a minha fealdade e com o Teu amor sobrenatural. Escrevo e oro e penso tantas coisas... Ó Senhor, faz-me nova. Que eu tenha uma vida que "supera intenções" e Te busca na prática, "em espírito e em verdade", dando-Te aquilo que é Teu por direito: toda a honra, toda a glória, todo o poder. Em nome de Jesus, amém.
... but it happened. At last, "Fiddler on the Roof" came my way. There was laughter, there was crying, and a great deal of amazement. Of all the characters, Reb Tevye resonated with me the most. My next goal is to meet him in his original form, brought to life by Sholem Aleichem's hand. I have the tendency to fall in love easily, but great story-tellers make it absurdly simple. Paint me a portrait of the human nature with humor and context, in narrative form, and my heart is won over. It's that straightforward. Easy as pie.
